05-26-07

Its a Saturday..
And its the last whole day that I'll spend with my grandfather..

I don't know.. But whenever I think about it.. It really makes me cry..

Its just so sudden.. I haven't really talked to him very openly.. Its just my birthday has just passed.. Then one day after.. He just went up..

He had a serious heart attack.. He died sitting on his office chair.. Still want to work.. Still want to do his everyday routine.. But this bullshit ailment just won't go away.. I hate heart attacks.. I lost 2 loved ones already because of this shit.. First is Eddie Guerrero.. Don't get me wrong.. I loved him.. I idolized him.. He became a part of my life.. He gave me happiness and entertainment.. And he died lying in his hotel room.. Leaving his wife, 2 daughters and millions of adoring fans.. I loved him.. very much..

Second.. is my grandfather.. He just died so sudden that I didn't get the chance to tell him I love him.. I mean.. In my life, I never remembered saying those 3 late words to him.. I mean.. He's the soft-spoken one in the family.. I mean very soft-spoken.. But according to his friends.. He's very friendly, talkative and adventurous.. He's very sociable and dependable.. I don't know why he has 2 personalities.. He's just one of the people in the world that I hardly understand..

He went through many problems.. Getting through financial problems, education, family.. I mean.. Only a very brave father can endure.. He lost his 2nd son, her daughter got pregnant early, he had his mild heart attack.. But these have never stopped him from fighting.. He kept helping us.. Even if he knew it will affect him..

His presence.. His presence is all.. He's there whenever we needed him.. He's just there.. watching us have fun.. and constantly taking pictures.. I think his favorite activity is photography.. He travelled countless events just to take picture of every angle.. He takes pictures of everything.. I remembered one time when he took pictures of our eyes.. Only our eyes..

He's very mysterious.. That's why I think my grandmother loved him.. She married him twice.. She endured those hard times with him.. And.. Now.. she's alone.. now that her two children have their own families..

Many loved him.. Its not surprising.. many people came to his funeral.. From company executives, government officials to simple businessmen and people from different provinces... The room was filled with flowers that some of them were displayed outside.. And the flowers and condolences kept coming..

But then.. I know he's with us.. everyday.. Our relatives say they feel his presence.. The master's bedroom smells like flowers, they hear footsteps on the floor below, they feel someone watching the TV downstairs..

I don't know.. But somehow.. I think he knew he will go.. My uncle, his son, took pictures of the funeral with my grandfather's camera.. And scanned the pictures my grandfather took before.. And he discovered.. The last photo he took was that of the grave of his dead son.. In Himlayang Pilipino in Quezon City.. I was there with him.. We were there.. We were celebrating Kuya Benjo's birthday..

I want to see him.. I want to tell him I love him.. as a very good father.. I want to see his smile again.. I want to hear his countless sneezes.. I want to feel his presence beside me.. I want to watch TV with him.. I want pose for his pictures.. I want to see him run to us after clicking that auto-timer on the camera..

I will never forget.. I will never forget him..
I love him.. I love him very much..
Now and forever...


NOW PLAYING:
The memory will never die - Default
Here without you - 3 Doors Down
Only hope - Mandy Moore
My Immortal - Evanescence
Dare you to move - Switchfoot
Higher - Creed
Learning to Breath - Switchfoot