All about something...

I admit.. I have a very low esteem.. It seems like I really hate myself.. that if I had the chance, I will choke myself to death.. saying: "What is God thinking when he made you..?!"
Hmmm.. Some devil, huh? I love the people around me.. especially my family.. even if they're countless.. Believe me, I have 4 siblings.. 2 wrestler brothers, an sweet sister and a heavy baby boy..
But for me.. Life isn't complete.. Honestly, before I met him.. Life for me WAS complete.. I had everything.. I'm a happy and satisfied person.. I didn't try to impress anyone.. I focused on my studies.. Love my family very much.. I mean very very much.. Read hundreds of novels, wrote countless poems and songs.. I have many friends..
Now.. My close friends said I've changed.. I know.. because of him..He means a lot to me.. one word from his lips can change my life.. But he doesn't even know that's how important he was for me.. That he holds my heart.. That he captures my soul.. That he grabs my attention..
Another worse thing, he loves somebody else.. And that someone is almost perfect.. Beautiful, talented, intelligent.. she's all he wanted for a girl..Yeah.. that's when my self esteem came flushing down the toilet.. hehehe.. I saw myself in the mirror as a stupid, dark, curly, no-talent geek with a MAJOR NO-NO title for the opposite sex.. Know what I mean..?
Now, there's another guy I like.. Now, I keep this as a secret because I'm not really serious about it.. But then, a friend of mine started the issue..... He moved away from me.. I want him only to be a close friend.. Because when I first talked to him, I know I can relate to him.. He's all I can relate to, he's just the ideal friend I can find.. But then.. this "LOVE" thing.. which is not even there, ruined it.. again.. Now, he doesn't even talk to me..! When I start a conversation, it will end after a minute.. Its like I'm chasing him now.. Well, I don't plan to clear this thing up yet.. But I'll let those crazy monkeys who started this damn issue see what I really want to happen..
You might have noticed right now, That this piece of crap is all about guys.. Well, here's another guy who taught me a very important lesson..Matthew Manuel.. (Yup, I can now say his name confidently..) was my so-called illegal boyfriend back when I was Grade 6.. I was happy back then.. Back when I was on top of my league.. When I transferred to CMSHS, he "invaded" someone else.. Damn, this song.. For you I will by Terry Geiger.. Its just perfect for this emotional thing.. I would agree to stop this topic right now.. I don't feel to talk about it..
Ok now.. this is the end.. but not yet.. I still have many tornados that hurl around in my head.. I still have to study.. Bye-bye..!